The Mysterious Year When So Many Wives Start Hating Their Husbands | Ashley Seeger

“Is it possible all my friends and I fell out of love with our husbands in the same year? Why do I hate being married now?”

One of my clients recently said this, and I realized the idea resonated completely. There seemed to be a sudden and seemingly resolute down-shifting of feelings after 15 years of marriage.

All of these couples are around 48 years old and have been married between from 15-18 years. If they have children, the kids are all around middle school age.

Is it possible marriages or relationships go through a midlife crisis? Is it contagious or a coincidence every one of a certain age seems to be going through this?

RELATED: 7 Reasons Women Start To Hate Their Husbands

What I’ve observed about married women in their mid-to-late 40s:

1. Marrital disillusionment seems to be a trend.

What my client was describing in her own marriage were feelings of apathy, boredom, and disconnect where there were once passion, appreciation, and connection.

She describes this feeling coming on slowly over the past few years but realized it was happening outside of her consciousness.

Then, suddenly one morning, she woke up and was no longer “in love” with her husband. She still wanted to be married to him, saw how amazing he was as a father, and felt the value in their union and life together.

But mostly, she felt apathy toward her husband, his body, his sense of humor, and his hobbies.

2. It includes the feeling of being a “team” has broken.

Now, to be truthful, all of these relationships had issues, but there seemed to be a common feeling of purpose or a sense of “team” that unified them — even when times were tough.

Once I saw this pattern in my clients and friends (and my own marriage) — I could not help but see it everywhere. Everyone in their mid-40s seemed to be having a marital midlife crisis.

In searching for answers, I found a wonderful resource in Dr. Jed Diamond’s book, The Enlightened Marriage: The 5 Transformative Stages of Relationships and Why the Best Is Still to Come. In this book, Dr. Diamond talks about this exact phenomenon and outlines what is happening as the five stages of love..

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